Dear dog owners everywhere

My name is Jack. I am a three year old kelpie (twenty one in dog years) who likes extra long walks on the beach, and I’ve got a bone to pick with dog owners all around the world. Not a literal bone, that’s safely stowed behind the shed in the backyard, but I digress.

Every summer, I get walked down to the servo with my human, and I sit outside and watching longingly as he pores over the ice cream thingy. We are talking five minutes here. And worst of all, he always pulls a Maxibon out, with a look of triumph on his face, like he is King Arthur wielding Excalibur. Every time. And people accuse dogs of being simple. Surely we could skip this charade by now? This isn’t even the thing that upsets me the most. It’s that no matter how hot it gets, I never get any! The bitumen can be practically liquid, and he moseys home with a Maxibon while I pant and perspire in my thick black coat in the summer sun (this is by the by, but does he not realise that my coat is like a ski jacket? I’m melting here!). 

So this is a public service announcement to let you all know there is such a thing as dog ice cream Australia. It exists. And after all these years, I think we are a little overdue for something cool and sweet on those hot summer days. Pick up a pack, and we will gladly accompany you to the servo for your ice cream, safe in the knowledge that when we get back home, we’ve got something waiting for us too.

I saw a report on caNine News the other day that said that dogs are “man’s best friend”. Is there any danger you could start acting like this is true? Dog owners, you know that we spent our days eagerly awaiting your return from work; we gaze up at you in adoration; we even learn to only do our business outside because we knew you like that kind of thing. But we have to get something back on that deal! The balance is skewed so much in your favour. Don’t get me wrong, the occasional ear scratch is nice, and the rare piece of grizzle off the side of your steak does go down well, but once, just once, we would love to see a token of your love which required premeditated thought. Not just something which occurred to you in the moment.

We’ve even made it easy for you. We aren’t hiding that which would make us feel loved! Dog ice cream Australia, please! It doesn’t even have to be a double scoop.

I trust that I represent the entire canine population faithfully when I say this: Be the person your dog thinks you are: Generous, caring, loving. Everyone in your life might think you’re a terrible person, but your dog will remain convinced that you are somewhere between Mother Theresa and a jungle gym.

So throw us a bone (or some ice cream) every once in a while.

Sincerely,

Jack